last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
