rhymes with "ouble enetration"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
