I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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