I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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