I hate all girls vehemently.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
cat food counts as protein by the way
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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