I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
