Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
