ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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