it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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