im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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