When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
