Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
