and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
