Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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