if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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