Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
