There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
