I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
