tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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