What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
