Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
