three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
