I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
