If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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