I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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