Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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