Small penises have feelings too.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
40s are totally the cure
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
