I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
