Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
