Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think a kid would responsible me up
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
how drunk are you?
Several
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
