"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
