If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
