The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
MIDGETS
????
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
