We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
