the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
