you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
