U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
