his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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