I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
soo... how was my night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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