i just sold back the books i vomitted on
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
