I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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