Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
