C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
