Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
