I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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