i think my tv is drunk
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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