sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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