Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
