they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
