I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Jerry, you need to find god
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I love you. Go after that dick
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
