I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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