I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Let's paint friendship bongs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
