She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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