Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
