I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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