Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
