I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He? As in you personified your dick?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
