That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
