I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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