Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
