glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
