I cockslap morals
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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