I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
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